My mom and my Aunt Jo used to say to me, “You’ve always been different.” And for years it triggered the s**t out of me.
For as long as I can remember I felt like I didn’t belong in this particular family. And I did not know what to do about it.
During the last few years of Aunt Jo’s life, we’d hang out and talk about life and our family. She had a very conservative, 1950s view about marriage and child-rearing.
And I’d ask whether she had regrets or things she’d do differently. Her response was always the same, “No, there’s nothing I’d do differently. I think it was all the way it was supposed to be.”
Birthday portrait of Aunt Jo taken by me
During those talks, she gave me one piece of advice.
“Always look out for numero uno,” she’d say and point to herself.
Then it hit me one day. That's our family mantra. She summed up the way my uncles and my mother lived in that one short phrase.
Always look out for numero uno.
And I’ve always been different.
For as long as I can remember, I desperately hoped one of them would grow up, and be there for me during my most difficult challenges.
And in the process of working through my disappointment over the years, I’ve reflected on the kind of advice I wish someone would have given me.
So now I’ll share my sage advice with you friend. Hopefully these little nuggets o’ wisdom will make your time on this crazy-ass-polarizing planet a little gentler.
Here they are:
Listen deeply
Be kind
Learn what self-care means for you
Pay attention when people drain your energy
Be very discerning about your inner circle
You’re responsible for the energy you bring to every situation
Financial security matters - educate yourself
Choose your partner and your work wisely - they’ll become completely intertwined
Learn to say NO and walk away
Health & wellness come first
Experience joy
Those talks with Aunt Jo covered quite a bit of ground. And I’m grateful. Especially because she helped me come to terms with this very real aspect of my relationship with my family.
I’ve always been different. And now I’m ok with that.
